Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Going viral on Slack:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

616 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

1 month ago

afternoon, alcohol, beverage, coffee, day, decision, dilemma, early, half, humor, i, late, morning, procrastination, spend, time, too, wondering
What a strange day. And it has been for years.

1 month ago

day, humor, irony, life, observation, reflection, strange, strange day, time, year’s
Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

1 month ago

bleed, country, day, election, humor, irony, patriot, period, true
Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

1 month ago

big, celebration, day, dogs, doorbell, excitement, Halloween, lose, love, pets, reaction, rings, shit
Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

1 month ago

bad, bad day, day, every, humor, i, irony, life, life struggle, morning, negativity, single, struggle, woke, woke up
You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

1 month ago

bad, bad day, day, going, humor, not going, office, procrastination, work
I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

1 month ago

day, fake, humble, just, millionaires, parents, say, still, teach, waiting
After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

1 month ago

after, afterlife, appear, appearance, busy, day, death, every, getting, ghost, haunt, humor, i, list, longer, people, want, wish
Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

1 month ago

academic, being, day, degree, humor, intelligence, me, nothing, reminder
Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

1 month ago

baby, crying, day, dude, grocery, grocery store, hard, humor, i, life, little, over, parenting, relatable, store

For even more funny day quotes, hit next 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

15 shares on Threads this month:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

61 shares on Slack this month:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

46 shares on X this month:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine being social on social media.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Seen just now on Threads:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Seen just now on Discord:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Just shared via YouTube:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Activity Log ✨

616 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨