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This sounds like my New Year's resolution: endless dessert and zero regrets! 🍰🤣
361 Funny ever quotes
Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.
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That kid thinking about the good old days of nap time and snack breaks 😂🍪🍼
If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.
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Sounds like a truth serum with a grape-y twist! 🍷😄
You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.
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I'm starting to think my dreams have better plot twists than most TV shows 🍿😴🎬
What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.
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This explains why the kids keep dropping hints that Santa needs a GPS upgrade! 🎅🗺️😄
Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.
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When engineers overheat, they might install a fridge app to cool down. 😂💻🥶
Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.
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Beam me up! My neighbors are still Earthlings 😂🚀✨
Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.
Commentary:
Sounds like they majored in "Torture Tunes" at DJ University 🎶🚗😂
Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.
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Elon strikes again with his legendary wisdom! 🧐😂 #DeepThoughts
You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?
Commentary:
That's because deciphering the lyrics is the only challenge more hair-raising than listening to the songs! 🎵🕵️♂️🔍