248 funny house quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

May 21, 2026

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

May 21, 2026

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

May 21, 2026

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

May 21, 2026

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

May 21, 2026

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

May 21, 2026

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

May 21, 2026

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

May 21, 2026

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

May 21, 2026

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

May 20, 2026

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

May 20, 2026

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

May 20, 2026

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

May 20, 2026

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

May 20, 2026

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

May 20, 2026

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

May 20, 2026

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

May 20, 2026

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

May 20, 2026

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

May 20, 2026

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

May 20, 2026

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

May 20, 2026

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

May 20, 2026

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

May 20, 2026

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

May 20, 2026

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

May 20, 2026

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

May 20, 2026

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

May 20, 2026

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

May 20, 2026

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

May 20, 2026

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

May 20, 2026

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

May 20, 2026

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

May 20, 2026

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

May 20, 2026

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

May 20, 2026

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

May 20, 2026

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

May 20, 2026

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

May 20, 2026

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

May 20, 2026

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

May 19, 2026

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

May 19, 2026