248 funny house quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Mar 30, 2026

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Mar 30, 2026

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Mar 30, 2026

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Mar 30, 2026

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Mar 30, 2026

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Mar 30, 2026

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Mar 30, 2026

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Mar 30, 2026

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Mar 30, 2026

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Mar 30, 2026

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Mar 30, 2026

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Mar 30, 2026

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Mar 30, 2026

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Mar 30, 2026

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Mar 30, 2026

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Mar 30, 2026

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Mar 30, 2026

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Mar 30, 2026Mar 30, 2026

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Mar 30, 2026

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Mar 30, 2026

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Mar 29, 2026

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Mar 29, 2026

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Mar 29, 2026

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Mar 29, 2026

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Mar 29, 2026

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Mar 29, 2026

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Mar 29, 2026

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Mar 29, 2026

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Mar 29, 2026

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Mar 29, 2026

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Mar 29, 2026

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Mar 29, 2026

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Mar 29, 2026

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Mar 29, 2026

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Mar 29, 2026

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Mar 28, 2026

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Mar 28, 2026

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Mar 28, 2026

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Mar 28, 2026

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Mar 28, 2026