Commentary:
"Plot twist: The 'light at the end of the tunnel' is just the fridge bulb. 🍕😂 #LifeGoals"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, be the zesty bad example! 🍋😜"
“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.
Commentary:
"Life goals: Make my cat the sole beneficiary of my will. 🐱💸 #Priorities"
I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.
Commentary:
"When your name is practically a job description, you're destined for greatness! 😄👨💼 #JustAGuyThings"
I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.
Commentary:
"When it comes to pasta, I either feed an army or a hamster! 🍝🤷♂️ #Pastatastrophes"
Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.
Commentary:
"Certified in teenage hieroglyphics since '98! ✍️😂 #SignatureSaga"
I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.
Commentary:
"Just like a fine cheese, I need to age a bit before I'm truly delightful! 🧀⏳😂"
I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.
Commentary:
🤣 "Sorry for the oversight! Next time, I'll send out a personalized 'offense' card to ensure nobody feels left out! 💌🙈"
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'verbal time bomb' strategy! 😂💣 Good thing my pillow is a certified therapist! 🛌🧠"
Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.
Commentary:
"When you find out your face has settings other than 'Resting Confusion' 😂🤔👍 #UpgradeUnlocked"