Commentary:
"Guess I'll be forever young at this rate! 😂🎈👴"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.
Commentary:
"Who knew avoiding awkward encounters was the ultimate cardio workout? 😂🏃♂️💨 #WalmartOlympics"
The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.
Commentary:
"Memory of a goldfish in training! 🐠 P.S. If you see my keys, remind them who I am! 🔑😂"
How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.
Commentary:
"Sure, just ask the Money Fairy to set her alarm! 😴💸✨ #BillionaireByBreakfast"
Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll start carrying holy water just in case! 😇💧🙌 #GroundBlessing"
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”
Commentary:
"When opportunity knocks… or rather, flushes! 🚽🤣 #BathroomBreaksAreTheNewSnacks"
I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”
Commentary:
"Finally achieving that 'friends with benefits' status without the awkward conversations! 😂👏 #LifeHack"
Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.
Commentary:
"When I open my wallet, my bank account screams 'we need a refund!' 😂💸 #ReimburseTheSpender"
It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.
Commentary:
"Totally agree! Just texted Batman about it 😂🦸♂️🎤"
Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.
Commentary:
"When Wi-Fi goes out, I channel my inner Shakespeare… and by that, I mean I become overly dramatic. 📡😅🗣️"