Commentary:
Looks like the yard's out of milkshake flavor! 🍦🚫🌿
1648 Funny just quotes
I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.
Commentary:
Stirring the pot like a Victorian drama queen! 🥀🥣✨
If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.
Commentary:
Who knew doors needed manners? 🚪🙄🤷♂️
Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.
Commentary:
Sounds like being in a relationship is just a series of "I'm sorry for napping" marathons! 😴🏃♂️🌀
I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.
Commentary:
Massive disappointment? Nah, you're just setting records in the "surprise achievement" category! 🏆😂👑
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
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Responding with the speed of a sloth on vacation! 🦥📱 Can't rush greatness, right? 🍽️🚶♂️
I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.
Commentary:
While we wait for "healthy" vape donuts to be a thing… 🍩🚬🤣
Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're on the cutting edge of creating new muscle groups! 💪🤔🌀
Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.
Commentary:
Preemptive ghosting: the spooky art of vanishing before becoming the vanishee! 👻🙈
An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.
Commentary:
Trying to find the exit in my mind is like playing hide and seek with a ghost. 😂🧠🚪