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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

773 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,935

Funny Quotes Topics

13,908

Funny Quotes Images

10,935

52 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Just shared via Instagram:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Reported on Twitch:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Live now on Instagram:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Trending via Telegram:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Reported on Snapchat:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

Live now on Instagram:

How do I un-know people?

Home » Funny Murder Quotes » Page 3

22 Funny murder quotes

More funny murder quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Commentary:
When someone knocks on your door and you suddenly turn into a ninja master 🥷🏼 ready to defend your domain! Remember, it's just a visitor, not the FBI looking for you! 😂🚪 #DingDongDefense
6 months ago
Share →: If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Commentary:
"Surviving without starring in a murder documentary? That's an achievement to celebrate! 🕵️‍♂️🔪💼 Just another reminder that your life is drama-free… well, at least of the crime scene kind! 😅👏"

For even more funny murder quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny murder quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

773 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,935

Funny Quotes Topics

13,908

Funny Quotes Images

10,935

52 minutes ago

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Being strange is exhausting.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Live now on WeChat:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Live now on Pinterest:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Breaking via Threads:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Going viral on Slack:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Live now on Discord:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Just landed via Instagram:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

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