Commentary:
Sound like the secret to happiness is just sand, shower, and snooze! Beach therapy at its finest! 🏖️🚿😴
478 Funny never quotes
There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.
Commentary:
When salad starts lifting weights and asking for a spotter, you know things have gone too far! 🥗💪😂
Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.
Commentary:
Fitted sheets: the ultimate relationship training ground! 😂🛌💪
You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.
Commentary:
You haven't experienced the joy of making a mixtape struggle session, and it shows! 🎶🔥💿
I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.
Commentary:
Stirring the pot like a Victorian drama queen! 🥀🥣✨
Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.
Commentary:
Trying to stay low-key on Twitter like a ninja in a library 📚🤫 #AvoidTheSpotlight
One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.
Commentary:
Looks like my sanity joined a rock band and is on tour 🚬🎸🤪
Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.
Commentary:
Years later and still serving up cold dishes 🍽️😎 Revenge isn't a fast food! 🍔⏳
Never did learn what the knights in white sat in.
Commentary:
Sounds like those knights missed the memo on sitting arrangements.
Always the drunk texter, never the drunk textee.
Commentary:
Living proof that typos find me funnier than other people's texts.