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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

462 Funny never quotes

Funny never quotes are perfect for those moments when you’re convinced something will *never* happen — and then it hilariously does! 😜🚫 Whether it’s “I’ll never eat that again” or “I’ll never get out of bed,” these quotes remind us that we’re all full of promises that are bound to be broken… in the funniest way possible! 😂⏳🙄

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Being weird never goes out of style.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Posted onMay 25, 2026

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

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