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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

462 Funny never quotes

Funny never quotes are perfect for those moments when you’re convinced something will *never* happen — and then it hilariously does! 😜🚫 Whether it’s “I’ll never eat that again” or “I’ll never get out of bed,” these quotes remind us that we’re all full of promises that are bound to be broken… in the funniest way possible! 😂⏳🙄

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

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