345 funny observation quotes - Page 7 - Wordgag

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

May 22, 2026

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

May 22, 2026

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

May 22, 2026

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

May 22, 2026

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

May 22, 2026

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

May 22, 2026

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

May 22, 2026

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

May 22, 2026

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

May 22, 2026

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

May 22, 2026

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

May 22, 2026

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

May 22, 2026

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

May 22, 2026

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

May 22, 2026

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

May 22, 2026

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

May 22, 2026

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

May 22, 2026

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

May 22, 2026

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

May 22, 2026

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

May 22, 2026

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

May 21, 2026

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

May 21, 2026

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

May 21, 2026

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

May 21, 2026

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

May 21, 2026

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

May 21, 2026

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

May 21, 2026

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

May 21, 2026

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

May 21, 2026

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

May 21, 2026

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

May 21, 2026

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

May 21, 2026

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

May 21, 2026

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

May 21, 2026

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

May 21, 2026

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

May 21, 2026

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

May 21, 2026

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

May 21, 2026

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

May 21, 2026

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

May 21, 2026