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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,264

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Trending via Discord:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Seen just now on Threads:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Breaking via Threads:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Going viral on Twitch:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Just landed via WeChat:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Funny OMG quotes

Funny OMG quotes are the perfect way to add a splash of laughter 😂 and surprise 😲 to your day! Whether you’re reacting to epic fails, hilarious moments, or simply life’s unexpected twists, these witty gems will have you saying OMG over and over again. Ready to brighten your feed and share some giggles? Let’s dive into the funniest expressions that capture those priceless OMG vibes! 🎉🤣✨

New funny OMG quotes 👇

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

15 hours ago

actually, anxiety, attraction, attractive, crush, dating, fear, humor, insecurity, OMG, relationship, social, social anxiety, someone, terrifying
It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

2 days ago

attraction, attractive, attractive person, awkward, awkward moment, crush, dating, fear, humor, moment, OMG, person, scary
“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

2 days ago

compliment, disorder, humor, i, love, OMG, personality, sarcasm, thanks
Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

3 weeks ago

account, authentication, before, code, humor, just, login, microsoft, need, notification, OMG, security, send, sign, sign in, signed, someone, technology
Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

2 months ago

demon, everyone, got, hair, humor, joke, OMG, once, possessed, possession, prank, something, supernatural, transformation
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

2 months ago

body, doctor, health, humor, joke, laugh, magnesium, me, medical, OMG, pun, run
Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

2 months ago

empathy, humor, me, me too, OMG, relatability, therapist, too

All funny OMG quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on X this month:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Just landed via Threads:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Just shared via WeChat:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Trending via Telegram:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Just landed via Reddit:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

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