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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,236

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Making waves on Pinterest:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Just landed via X:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Just shared via WeChat:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Just landed via Instagram:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Making waves on X:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Funny paranoia quotes

Funny paranoia quotes bring a hilarious twist to those wild moments when your imagination runs way too far 😂🔍 Whether you’re convinced your cat is spying on you or the toaster has secret plans, these witty lines turn paranoia into pure comedy gold 🤪🔥 Get ready to laugh at the quirkiest thoughts that sneak into your mind when reality takes a backseat!

New funny paranoia quotes 👇

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

0

2 months ago

anything, communication, confession, cop, humor, joke, opening, paranoia, police, sarcasm, say, social, talking, used, wit
Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

0

2 months ago

before, behavior, cannabis, hold, humor, i, joke, paranoia, recreational, scared, smoker, smokers, social, social behavior, stereotypes, store, weed
After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

0

2 months ago

away, crime, entertainment, get away, humor, hundred, investigation, murder, paranoia, podcast, solve, start, ten, think, true, true crime
My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

0

3 months ago

anxiety, creepiness, fear, looking, me, night, paranoia, right, someone, stranger, window, worst

All funny paranoia quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WeChat this month:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

61 shares on X this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

25 is the new 0 years old.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

100 shares on WeChat this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Just shared via Facebook:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Going viral on Snapchat:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Making waves on WeChat:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Making waves on WeChat:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Making waves on Instagram:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

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