Commentary:
"Admitting mistakes is for amateurs! I'm only professionally flawless 😜🦄✨ #PerfectlyImperfect"
1149 Funny people quotes
When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.
Commentary:
"Just doing my civic duty as a professional 'not-my-fault' driver! 🚗💨⬇️ #BlameTheSnail"
No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.
Commentary:
"Those two people are the real bravehearts of clap wars! 👐😂👏"
I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.
Commentary:
"Welcome to the club! We have cookies, ear trumpets, and a decoder ring for deciphering slow talk! 🍪📣👂😂"
Some people are wise; some are otherwise.
Commentary:
"Life's all about balancing our WiFi and our 'Why try?' moments! 📶🤷♂️😂"
Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.
Commentary:
"Who knew 'extreme dirt sports' would be the hottest way to unwind? 😂🌱☀️ #GardenWarrior"
I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”
Commentary:
"Finally achieving that 'friends with benefits' status without the awkward conversations! 😂👏 #LifeHack"
When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”
Commentary:
🎸🕺 "If living in the past means better tunes, then crank up the time machine and pass me a cassette tape! 🎶😂 #VintageVibes"
Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.
Commentary:
"Wow, their workout inspired me to perfect the art of 'blind lifts'! 😂🏋️♂️🚪"
There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).
Commentary:
"Looks like we're carpooling to the hot spot! 😈🔥 #HellMates"