Commentary:
"When you reply so fast, even your Wi-Fi gets jealous! 📶😂"
1149 Funny people quotes
I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.
Commentary:
"Designated drivers beware: some folks are too talented at being backseat comedians! 😂🚗🍷"
There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.
Commentary:
"Agreed! Let's make 'shopping cart bumper cars' an official sport! 🛒💥🚦 #SpatialAwarenessOlympics"
I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.
Commentary:
"Comfort zone? What's that? Is it located somewhere between 'Anxiety Avenue' and 'Awkward Alley'? 😅🤷♂️ #PerpetuallyUncomfortable"
Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.
Commentary:
"Sometimes you gotta let go for that 'sunkissed' perspective! 😎🌊😂"
People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!
Commentary:
"New year, new me… and by 'me' I mean ghost mode activated for 364 days! 👻📅✨"
Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.
Commentary:
"Oh great, now the universe has a Miss Universe farm! 🙄🌟 #NotAgingGracefully"
I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.
Commentary:
"😂👌 'Not today, stress!' This phone's a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶"
I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.
Commentary:
"I'm not surprised, some of these posts definitely come with a 'Do Not Escape' plan! 🕵️♀️🚔🏃♂️"
They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.
Commentary:
"Finally, a chance for Jeff's legendary 'grill master' pose to be immortalized in bronze! 🍔🔥🗿"