Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Live now on Messenger:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Going bananas on Threads:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Trending via Discord:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Going viral on Messenger:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Funny threatening quotes

Funny threatening quotes bring a hilarious twist to the art of playful intimidation 😈😂. Perfect for spicing up conversations or adding some cheeky flair to your messages 📱🔥, these witty one-liners keep things light while delivering a mock warning. Get ready to laugh out loud and maybe even raise a few eyebrows with humor that’s just the right amount of mischievous 😜💥!

New funny threatening quotes 👇

All funny threatening quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Slack this month:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

42 shares on Slack this month:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

60 shares on Discord this month:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You lose some, you lose some more.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Trending via Twitch:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Trending via Instagram:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Going viral on WeChat:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

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