Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless art of blending creepiness with performance art on public transport 🚆⏱️📖 Who needs Netflix when you've got live-action psychological thriller unfolding right beside you? Just your daily dose of unexpected entertainment! Just remember, every page turn adds another tick towards literary suspense – or possibly a restraining order! 😂 #PassengerPeekaboo
6 months ago
Share →: “Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Commentary:
🐵🧠 "Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?" exclaimed the first primate to experience consciousness. Looks like even the earliest awakening minds weren't quite ready for the existential crisis package that comes with self-awareness! 😅 #PrimateProblems
6 months ago
Share →: “I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Commentary:
"Oh, the classic 'I'm sure it'll turn up' – a subtle way of saying 'I'm done searching for your lost treasures, mate' 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Don't worry, Sherlock Holmes has got nothing on you… or so they say! 🎩🕵️‍♂️ #LostAndFoundChronicles"
6 months ago
Share →: I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Commentary:
"Oh, the ultimate twist in spa history! The massage therapist becoming the massagee 🤣💆‍♂️ Who knew self-care could involve such a role reversal! #MassageTherapistGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Commentary:
"Looks like I'll be trading in my calculator for a ski mask! 💸🔫 Just kidding, I'll stick to legal ways to boost my bank balance…for now! 😂💼 #ImTooPrettyForPrison"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Commentary:
"Who needs resolutions when the year itself needs to step up its game? It's time for 2022 to level up and bring on the awesome sauce! 🌟🥳 #YearGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Commentary:
Looks like "yelling less" quickly turned into "yelling stress" for this brave parent 🙈🔥. The road to improved parenting may have hit a pothole or two! 🛣️🚗 #ParentingStruggles
6 months ago
Share →: They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic grocery store potty tax scheme! It's like a sneak attack on your wallet from the humble loaf of bread to the royal throne. 🍞💸💩 Keep those eyes peeled for the real MVPs of the grocery game – toilet paper and bank accounts!"
6 months ago
Share →: The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Commentary:
"Who knew exercise could be this challenging? 🚲💪 Next, they'll ask us to plank while spinning! 🔁😂 #GymProblems"
6 months ago
Share →: I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Commentary:
"Looks like God is the new 'it' player in this cosmic game of hide and seek! 🙈 Have fun hiding, but remember, God knows all the best hiding spots! 😉🙏"