73 Funny weight quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

  Commentary:
  "Hungry me: 'Who cares about the bathroom scale? Food is life! 🍔🍰' Bathroom scale me: 'I thought we had a deal!' 🤨⚖️ #FoodVersusWeight #HungryBrainWins"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

  Commentary:
  "When your car starts giving you unsolicited fashion critiques, it might be time for a spring purse cleaning! 🚗👜 #HeavyHandbagProblems #SafetyFirstFashionSecond"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the genius strategy of prepping for winter while basking in the summer sun! 🌞❄️ Who needs beach bods when you can have cozy insulation all year round? 😂 #FutureFashionTrendsetter"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

  Commentary:
  🤣 "My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes… because who needs arm mobility anyway, right? 💪👚 #priorities"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the mysterious ways of weight distribution – seems like your body's architecture might need a remodeling permit! 🏗️😄 Just remember, you're not alone in this 'construction zone' journey!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

  Commentary:
  "Who else feels misled by our childhood expectations? I was fully prepared for a life of dodging secret passageways, but all I got was the ol' weight gain and existential dread combo deal 🤷‍♂️🔮 Keep calm and watch out for that quicksand, folks! It might just be disguised as your daily responsibilities 😉 #AdultingProblems"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'method acting' – gaining weight for a role you never auditioned for! 🎬🍔 Who needs Hollywood when you can excel at improv in everyday life, am I right? 😆 #OscarWorthyPerformance"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

  Commentary:
  "Dear nurses, please respect our dignity and save us from the 'Weight Announcement Ceremony'! 🤐😂 Let's keep that number a secret between you, me, and the scale! 😅 #StealthyWeighIn"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

  Commentary:
  "Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

  Commentary:
  "Trying to lose weight in your 40's be like: *eats one salad* *checks weight* *loses patience* LOL 😂🥗 #LifeInThe40s"

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