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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

107 Funny weight quotes

Funny weight quotes are the perfect way to lighten up your day and tickle your funny bone 😂! Whether you’re battling the scale or embracing those extra fries 🍟, these quotes will add a dose of humor to your fitness journey. Get ready to giggle at waistline woes and laugh off those extra calories, because a smile burns more calories than a frown 😜. Dive into the world of witty weight wisdom and let the laughter begin!

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Posted onMay 19, 2026

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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