Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Just landed via WeChat:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Going viral on TikTok:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Spotted on Telegram:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Shared recently on X:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to remember phone numbers now feels like trying to download a huge app on a phone with zero storage space 😂📞📱

aging, brain, forgetfulness, humor, memory, nostalgia, number, numbers, phone, phone number, remember, same, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

0

2 months ago

decision, estate, find out, house, humor, landlord, real, real estate, sell, take, think, timing
We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

0

2 months ago

chaos, cosmic, cosmic tornado, humor, irony, job, jobs, life, live, satire, sure, tornado
Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, irony, joke, problem, relatable, sharing, silence, suffer
I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, disgusting, even, fly, hands, hate, humor, i, insect, little, open, plotting, rub, together, window
Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

0

2 months ago

hottest, hottest single, humor, joke, me, music, personality, self-confidence, single, Spotify, year
Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

0

2 months ago

cholesterol, food, health, heart, humor, irony, joke, love, place, special

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

97 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

11 shares on Facebook this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Spotted on WeChat:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Going viral on Telegram:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Making waves on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Making waves on Slack:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

Trending via Snapchat:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Spotted on WeChat:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨