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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,840

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Just shared via Telegram:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to remember phone numbers now feels like trying to download a huge app on a phone with zero storage space 😂📞📱

aging, brain, forgetfulness, humor, memory, nostalgia, number, numbers, phone, phone number, remember, same, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Half princess, half menace.

1 month ago
contrast, duality, half, humor, menace, personality, playful, princess
If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

2 months ago
bird, humor, i, insult, joke, person, relationship, sarcasm, shit
People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

1 month ago
comedy, deserve, found, grammar, guilty, humor, law, people, punctuation, sentence, writing
Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

1 month ago
activity, confuse, confusion, doctor, funny activity, glof, hack, humor, life, life hack, prank, putting, same, time
If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

1 month ago
argument, attitude, back, comebacks, conversation, even, humor, i, insult, nice, nothing, promise, remark, sarcasm, say, something, witty, witty remark, worse
Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

1 month ago
alone, bed, comfort, cool, ever, humor, personal, personal space, relaxation, self-care, sex, space, yourself

New Funny Quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Live now on Threads:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Seen just now on Twitch:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Live now on WeChat:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Half princess, half menace.

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

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How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Half princess, half menace.

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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