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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Seen just now on Facebook:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Still checking my mailbox for that wisdom delivery! 📦🧠😂"

age, age humor, aging, humor, impatience, joke, kick, life, life joke, old, older, still, thing, waiting, wisdom, wise

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44 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

54 shares on Slack this month:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Sane is boring.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Breaking via Telegram:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Trending via YouTube:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Seen just now on TikTok:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

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Activity Log ✨

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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