How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

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Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

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No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

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I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

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Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

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I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

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I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

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This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

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Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

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I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

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We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.