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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Going viral on TikTok:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Breaking via Twitch:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Trending via Discord:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Freshly posted on Slack:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
When I say "music," kids say "streaming?" 👨‍🎤📼😆

age, am, entertainment, humor, i, media, MTV, music, music video, nostalgia, old, played, still, video, videos

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on X this month:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

70 shares on Threads this month:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

16 shares on Threads this month:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Going viral on Slack:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Trending via Messenger:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Just landed via Discord:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨