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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I am thick and tired.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Just landed via Messenger:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Making waves on Facebook:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Just landed via X:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Either way, you're in for a real 'knead' and twist! 😂💆‍♂️🤷‍♀️"

humor, i, joke, just, leg, masseuse, playfulness, puns, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

0

1 week ago

action, daily, daily life, day, every, fix, humor, internet, life, media, observation, social, social media, stupid, watch
Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

0

2 months ago

customer, day, face, face slap, frustration, hand, humor, interaction, professional, service, should, slap, workplace
Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

0

2 months ago

around, awkwardness, casual, casual interaction, contact, crazy, everyday, everyday life, eye, eye contact, humor, humorous, humorous observation, interaction, just, let, life, making, me, observation, saying, self-awareness, sidewalk, social, social awkwardness, strangers, walk
I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

0

2 months ago

deer, drinking, funny incident, humor, i, incident, nose, officer, red, shiny, shiny nose, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation, wildlife
Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

0

1 week ago

betrayal, getting, gray, humor, keys, marriage, pants, personal, powerful, prediction, psychic, relationship, tell, things, wife
Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, combo, contact, dating, deadly, deadly combo, eye, eye contact, humor, interaction, social, social interaction

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Telegram this month:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

35 shares on Slack this month:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

11 shares on Discord this month:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Live now on Slack:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Freshly posted on X:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Trending via Telegram:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Shared recently on Threads:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨