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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Live now on Pinterest:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Seen just now on X:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Going bananas on Facebook:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Just landed via WeChat:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Just shared via Instagram:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Making waves on Messenger:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to be the package and delivery all in one go! 📦✈️🤣

accident, chance, corner, delivery, door, falling, fast, fast turn, humor, i, open, too, turn, ups, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

0

2 months ago

addiction, beverage, coffee, Colombia, drink, farmer, humor, i, joke, lot, me, mean, photo, say, wallet
You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

0

2 months ago

chance, flirt, humor, me, nude, nudes, person, send
Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

0

2 months ago

advice, disappointment, encouragement, give, going, humor, irony, keep, life, life advice, motivation, persistence, still, waiting
There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

0

2 months ago

ancient, Chinese, confusion, famous, humor, i, idea, language, proverb
I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, convenience, delivery, efficiency, found, humor, i, lost, lost and found, new, office, straight, umbrella
I think God was high when he made me.

0

2 months ago

confidence, divine, God, high, humor, humor quote, i, lighthearted, me, quirky, self-deprecating, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

13 shares on Threads this month:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Spotted on Threads:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Shared recently on X:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Going viral on Telegram:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Making waves on X:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Trending via Messenger:

The government even made aliens boring.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Just landed via Instagram:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

I think God was high when he made me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨