I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

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Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

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What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

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The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

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Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.