It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

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I embarrass myself in front of myself.

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There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

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Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

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Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

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“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

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I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

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At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.