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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Seen just now on Discord:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Trending via WhatsApp:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Going viral on Twitch:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Making waves on X:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Going bananas on Slack:

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Trending via Discord:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Trending via Telegram:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

1 month ago

Humorous quote about embracing weirdness with playful, self-deprecating humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Taking "weird" to a professional level! 😜🤪 #WeirdExpert

good, humor, making, only, personality, quirk, self-deprecating, skill, thing, things, weird

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Telegram this month:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

53 shares on X this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

99 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Going viral on Telegram:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Just shared via Discord:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Seen just now on Slack:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Just shared via Messenger:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Spotted on Messenger:

Imagine being social on social media.

Trending via Messenger:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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