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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Just landed via YouTube:

Dear music, thanks!

Making waves on Facebook:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Going viral on Slack:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Going viral on Discord:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Seen just now on Slack:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like your guardian angel needs a reminder that they're not on vacation! 😇📱🤖🎰

AI, angel, app, apps, bad, bad luck, betting, distraction, generative, generative AI, guardian, guardian angel, happen, humor, letting, luck, me, sports, sports betting, technology, things, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

0

2 months ago

activity, brush, cleaning, funny rule, home, home activity, humor, listening, microphone, music, never, rule, toilet, toilet brush
If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

0

2 months ago

bite, conflict, humor, mythology, question, transformation, vampire, zombie
The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying child, child, family, house, household, humor, jokes, mother-in-law, parenting, relationships
Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

0

2 months ago

communication, ever, humor, i, Korean, language, over, reason, scream, text, think, time, uppercase
A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

0

2 months ago

breakfast, cooking, food, frittata, humor, just, lazy, omelette, people, simplicity, things
Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

1

1 week ago

blessing, contrast, dirty, dirty mind, face, having, humor, innocent, innocent face, mind, personality, truly

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

15 shares on Threads this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

84 shares on Twitch this month:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Going viral on Instagram:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Just shared via Slack:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Spotted on Facebook:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Trending via WeChat:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨