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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Jan 5, 2026

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Live now on Twitch:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Just shared via Discord:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Just landed via Twitch:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Making waves on Facebook:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Just shared via Twitch:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Seen just now on Threads:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

2 months ago

0

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it's all about finding your own "board" identity! 🏂🛹🧀 Who needs extreme sports when you can have extremely delicious meats and cheeses? 🤣 Embrace your inner foodie and shred those charcuterie boards like a pro! 🧀🥓🍇 #FoodieForLife

activity, brother, charcuterie, food, humor, me, sibling, sister, skateboard, snowboard

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

0

5 months ago

bird, chuck, Chuck Norris, exaggeration, humor, joke, kill, norris, parody, stone, stones
Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

0

2 months ago

911, activity, calling, dancing, emergency, fine, fun, fun activity, humor, me, plea, stop
Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

0

2 months ago

cool, even, feeling, feels, humor, insurance, irony, protection, still, uncertainty
Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

0

2 months ago

forgetfulness, grocery, grocery store, home, humor, irony, memory, need, nothing, refresh, shopping, store
Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

0

2 months ago

advice, afraid, ask, ask questions, best, candidate, communication, find out, good, good candidate, humor, interview, job, job interview, person, questions, workplace
For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

0

3 days ago

act, again, always, breakup, contact, final, final act, humor, i, irony, love, memory, never, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Twitch this month:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

58 shares on WeChat this month:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

28 shares on X this month:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Spotted on Discord:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Seen just now on Facebook:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Shared recently on Threads:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Freshly posted on X:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Seen just now on Instagram:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

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