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Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

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Plot twist: I've mastered the art of surprising myself on a daily basis! ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฎ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Why do my kids have Veteranโ€™s Day off, they havenโ€™t done shit.

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Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

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Just because itโ€™s a bad idea doesnโ€™t mean that it ainโ€™t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

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One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isnโ€™t looking so good either.

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If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

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Changing my relationship status from โ€œSingleโ€ to โ€œI give up.โ€

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By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

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How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

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Next time someone says โ€œIโ€™m a huggerโ€ and tries to hug me Iโ€™m gonna say โ€œIโ€™m a biterโ€ and see how it goes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ซ has copied:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.