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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Going bananas on X:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Making waves on Messenger:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Going viral on Telegram:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Just landed via X:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Plot twist: I've mastered the art of surprising myself on a daily basis! 🤔🤷‍♂️🔮

decision making, even, humor, knows, me, move, next, nobody, self-awareness, surprise, uncertainty, unpredictability

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

0

5 months ago

blacksmith, cold, cold water, cooking, feel, frying, frying pan, hot, hot pan, humor, kitchen, me, metaphor, pan, putting, running, sink, water
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

0

5 months ago

ask, communication, conversation, dating, humor, irony, men, met, never, personality, question, questions, relationship, say, yourself, zero
All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

0

2 months ago

decision, decisions, humor, i, overthinking, self-deprecating, still, worst, worst decision
The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

0

5 months ago

actor, actors, Avatar, Hollywood, job, job security, movie, security, signed
Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

0

2 months ago

big, big picture, focus, going, humor, much, perspective, picture, seeing, simplicity, small, small picture, tired, too, too much
Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

0

2 months ago

dating, expectations, humor, man, nobody, relationship, stress, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Instagram this month:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

32 shares on Reddit this month:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Easy there, unsaved number.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

61 shares on X this month:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Spotted on Messenger:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Just shared via WeChat:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Trending via Pinterest:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Just landed via Slack:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Breaking via TikTok:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Trending via Snapchat:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨