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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Making waves on Slack:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Making waves on X:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Shared recently on X:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Making waves on Telegram:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Making waves on Telegram:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Spotted on Messenger:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Insignificant others: where your plus one is more like a plus zero 🎉😆

humor, insignificant, insignificant other, oh, relationship, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

3 months ago

ambition, getting, humor, i, just, money, pretend, rich, sarcasm, stop, want, work
If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

2 months ago

amusement, annoyance, annoyed, attitude, emotion, enter, figure, God, hack, humor, improvement, life, life hack, mindset, mode, motivation, much, positivity, pretty, self, self-improvement, state
The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

2 months ago

day, day name, exaggeration, Friday, funny week, humor, Monday, name, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday, week, weekday, weekend
“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

2 months ago

communication, conversation, dismissive, humor, i, interesting, irony, listening, sarcastic, say, take
The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

2 months ago

actually, conspiracy, faked, humor, i, landing, Mars, moon, moon landing, proof, prove, space
Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

2 months ago

alone, happiness, happy, humor, irony, money, too, wealth, yes, yours

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Discord this month:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Breaking via Telegram:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Live now on Instagram:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Breaking via Instagram:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Just shared via Telegram:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨