Commentary:
Oh, so they’ve got a PhD in fibbing and think I'm in preschool math? 😏📚🤔
Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.
Commentary:
A man posting relationship pics? That's like spotting a unicorn in the wild! 🦄📸
If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.
Commentary:
When someone drunk texts you, consider it a rock-solid testament to your undeniable charm 🍻🤔💫
It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.
Commentary:
Time to upgrade my anxiety wardrobe with some festive flair! 🎄😅✨
He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.
Commentary:
Untangling those lights will be his festive initiation, hope he's got a patience level set to 'zen master' 😂🕯️🎄🔍
I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.
Commentary:
I swear bills have GPS, they always know when to find me! 📬💸
Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.
Commentary:
Weekend resolutions: 0, Couch potato: 1 🛋️🥔🎉
I remember sex. That was cool.
Commentary:
When memories of youth hit harder than my morning coffee ☕️😂🔥
Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, ask for a yacht. The universe might just hand you a paddle! 🚤🍋😄
If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.
Commentary:
Going live on family drama is the true Thanksgiving parade 🎥🍿🦃