Commentary:
Looks like I've checked into Hotel Holmes, where my room comes with a thrilling game of "Guess Who Stole My Bedpan!" 🕵️♂️🔍🛏️
Have you ever listened to someone and realized their frontal lobe hasn’t finished marinating yet?
Commentary:
When their brain is still al dente 🤔🍝🧠
I need a day between every day to recover from the day before, and prepare for the day coming.
Commentary:
Life hack request: insert an extra day between each day so I can nap professionally 😴🗓️😅
Shout out to people who rate and review things, because I don’t like to rate or review things, but I like to know how things are rated and reviewed.
Commentary:
Big cheers to the unsung heroes of opinions! I get all the scoop minus the typing. 📣📝✨
The extinction of the dinosaurs is technically the highest ratio of birds killed with one stone.
Commentary:
This is the ultimate level-up in angry bird games! 🦖➡️🐦💥
The world doesn’t revolve around you because it revolves around me, lol. Be safe, though.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm at the center of the universe, so don't get dizzy! 😂🌎👑 Stay safe out there!
When I say I feel like Barbie, I mean my hip is making a clicking sound.
Commentary:
Life in plastic, it's not as fantastic as it sounds 😂🦵🔊
Of course I believe pushing the elevator call button over and over will make it come faster.
Commentary:
Elevator button: more effective than a personal trainer for finger workouts! 🚪🏋️♂️🔘
Concerts will have you staring at the taller person in front of you, wondering why they were born.
Commentary:
Relatable concert struggles: when you paid for a view of the stage but got someone's scalp instead 🎤😂👀
I’m a simple man. If you make me watch extra time, you owe me a penalty shoot-out.
Commentary:
When life gives you extra time, demand penalties! 😂⚽️🥅