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Been there, done that! I've mastered the art of finding exactly what wasn't asked for! 🔧😅👨🔧
My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.
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Raising them with the proper silliness legacy 😂👶⚔️
Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.
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When I signed up for this job, I didn’t realize I’d be joining a circus as the main act! 🎪🤡📞
Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.
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When life gives you existential dread, just remember: deep breaths and chocolate cake save the day 🍰😅
One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.
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😂 Oh man, adulting would be way easier if "I'll check with my mom" was still part of the playbook! 🚫🙅♂️
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.
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That little girl knew what was up! #LifeGoals 😂🛌☕
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.
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Why does my brain play hide and seek whenever I'm trying to impress someone? 🤔🤦♂️💡
I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.
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Sending buttered thoughts your way 🧈😂 Stay strong in the face of crumby adversity!
People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?
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Hydration? Sounds like witchcraft to me! 💧🧙♂️😂
I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.
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When life gives you a bad day, serve it back with extra sass and a side of mischief 🌟😜🔄