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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Jan 5, 2026

3,272

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Trending via Slack:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Trending via YouTube:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

21 hours ago

0

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the scroll feels longer than the Lord of the Rings trilogy 😂🗓️🧓

aging, birth, birth year, humiliation, media, nostalgia, ritual, scrolling, social, social media, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

0

2 months ago

animals, appeal, birdwatching, hobby, humor, i, leisure, little, myself, nature, older, pastime, start, troublemaker, understand, watching
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

0

2 months ago

asleep, calculations, fall, fall asleep, humor, insomnia, math, night, rest, right, skills, sleep, spend
Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, dream, dream work, explain, humor, individuality, joking, needs, personality, self, team, team work, work
I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

0

2 months ago

communication, even, expert, Funny, funny story, having, humor, joke, language, mistake, story, storytelling, tell, wording
Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, all nighter, humor, i, means, night, pee, sleep
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

0

5 months ago

advice, care, dog, funny advice, grocery, grocery store, hear, home, hour, humor, i, know, needs, pet, pet care, restaurant, stay, store

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

63 shares on X this month:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

51 shares on X this month:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

80 shares on X this month:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,447

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Trending via Reddit:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Breaking via X:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Live now on X:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Just landed via WeChat:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Trending via Threads:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Trending via Discord:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

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