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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Trending via Snapchat:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Just shared via TikTok:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Going viral on Slack:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Going bananas on Reddit:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Making waves on WeChat:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

A witty quote about struggling to readjust to everyday life after movie outings.

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Commentary:
I completely get it! After a movie, I'm mentally preparing to save the world with a popcorn bucket and ticket stub. 🍿🎬🦸‍♂️

adjustment, after, civilian, civilian life, coming, daily, daily life, entertainment, home, homecoming, humor, i, life, movie, sometimes, struggle

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30 shares on Facebook this month:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Breaking via Facebook:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Shared recently on Discord:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Live now on Threads:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Trending via TikTok:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Shared recently on Instagram:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

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Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨