Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Live now on Pinterest:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Just shared via Telegram:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

19 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When maturity meets admiration, the phone becomes a permanent accessory! 📱😄💕

apology, back, communication, flirting, hand, humor, i, instant, instant reply, mature, maturity, phone, relationship, reply, sorry, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

2 months ago

done, got, guest, guests, hard, home, hospitality, house, housekeeping, humor, i, joke, just, mess, messy, prank, tell, visit
Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

2 months ago

activity, alone, dancing, enjoyment, fun, home, kind, own, self-care, therapy
I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

1 month ago

chicken, communication, eating, food, humor, i, joke, mean, misunderstanding, say, spicy, spicy chicken, things
I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

2 months ago

else, everyday, everyday life, everyone, fashion, fit, hope, humor, i, life, pants, put, still, struggle
Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

2 months ago

access, giving, humor, internet, irony, mistake, people, technology
Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

5 months ago

best, cat, humor, name, pet, pet name, royalty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

56 shares on Threads this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Shared recently on Threads:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Just landed via Reddit:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Spotted on Messenger:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Spotted on Instagram:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Trending via Instagram:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Just shared via YouTube:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Trending via WeChat:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨