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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,532

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Breaking via Discord:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Breaking via WeChat:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Making waves on Messenger:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Just landed via TikTok:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

2 months ago

0

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the art of finding a bench in a museum – truly a masterpiece within a masterpiece! 🖼️🪑 Who knew that sitting down could enhance one's appreciation of fine art? Perhaps the true masterpiece is the bench itself, offering tired museum-goers a moment of respite in the midst of cultural contemplation. 🎨🤣

always, appreciation, art, bench, humor, i, most, museum, painting, paintings, relaxation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

0

2 months ago

advice, getting, getting into, good, good sin, humor, just, mischief, sin, sins, someone
I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

0

2 months ago

call, calls, cell, cell phone, humor, i, interaction, just, phone, procrastination, ringing, social, social interaction, sometimes, stop, stop ringing, tell, wait, watch
We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

0

2 months ago

able, amazing, attitude, call, call in sick, feel, health, healthy, humor, i, motivation, productivity, should, sick, today, wasting, work
I need a break from me.

0

2 months ago

break, health, humor, i, me, mental, mental health, need, reflection, rest, self, time
Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

0

2 months ago

another, came, currency, day, dime, dollar, humor, me, nickel, penny, phrase, sayings, sure, thoughts, wordplay
If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

0

2 months ago

back, dark, dark humor, ever, humor, joke, life, life support, me, medical, medical humor, plug, resilience, sarcasm, support, unplug, works

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Twitch this month:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Being awake is the worst.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Just landed via YouTube:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Just landed via Twitch:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Making waves on Reddit:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Spotted on Snapchat:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Spotted on YouTube:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

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