The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

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Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

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Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

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Having children is a pyramid scheme.

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Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

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I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

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Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

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One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.