Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,319

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Going viral on Telegram:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Just landed via Reddit:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Making waves on Facebook:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Going viral on WeChat:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Just landed via Discord:

Meow means woof in cat.

Live now on Messenger:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Seen just now on Discord:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like we're all living in Tim Burton's calendar! 🎃🗓️🎄

before, Christmas, festive, holiday, humor, nightmare, spooky, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

0

5 months ago

humor, memory, morning, realization, regret, remembering, waking, waking up, worst
Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

0

2 months ago

contemplate, existence, live, mindfulness, miracle, nature, nostalgia, nothing, oh, relaxation, seashore, simpler, simpler time, sit, time, times
You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

0

3 days ago

8, business, create, deadline, hours, humor, productivity, shareholder, time, value, work
Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

0

2 weeks ago

brag, child, children, communication, everything, humor, i, irony, knowledge, parenting, today, told
If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

0

2 months ago

anger, cape, ever, fun, humor, joke, mad, me, playful, put, sarcasm, super, superhero, teasing, wit, yourself
It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

0

2 months ago

again, beverage, choice, choose, coffee, decision, holiday, humor, morning, mulled, mulled wine, time, wine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Slack this month:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

79 shares on X this month:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Just landed via Twitch:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Breaking via Instagram:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Trending via Reddit:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨