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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Jan 12, 2026

3,303

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Going viral on TikTok:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Going viral on Telegram:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Just shared via X:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Breaking via Instagram:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Spotted on Threads:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

2 months ago

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like the element of surprise was working overtime in the office today! 🤪🤷‍♂️ 'Why hold the baby' – a hard-hitting question that left everyone speechless and giggling. Sometimes, it's best to just roll with the unexpected and embrace the comedic chaos! 😂👶 #OfficeAntics"

asked, baby, coworker, hold, humor, i, me, new, prepared, question, saying, today, unexpected, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

2 months ago

black, black hole, bro, energy, hole, humor, joke, light, nerd, nerd humor, physics, physics humor, science, science joke, suck
If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

2 months ago

coping, humor, just, problem, realize, sad, sadness, self-awareness, sing, voice, worse
I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

2 months ago

brand, consumerism, humor, loyal, loyalty, sale, shopping, whatever
When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

2 months ago

activity, artist, ask, funny activity, humor, i, music, repeat, repetition, song, water
Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

2 months ago

addictive, broccoli, comparison, craving, food, health, humor, just, me, need, nutrition, sugar
The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

2 months ago

cold, cold water, humor, jump, late, lesson, life, life lesson, metaphor, patience, procrastination, timing, warmer, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

99 shares on Threads this month:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

47 shares on Twitch this month:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

37 shares on Instagram this month:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Trending via Instagram:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Trending via Slack:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Making waves on YouTube:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Making waves on Discord:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

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