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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,526

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Just shared via Messenger:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Going viral on Threads:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Making waves on Discord:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Seen just now on Threads:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Just shared via Messenger:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Going viral on YouTube:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Trending via WeChat:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about workplace mishaps and unexpected baby jokes, playful and witty in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like the element of surprise was working overtime in the office today! 🤪🤷‍♂️ 'Why hold the baby' – a hard-hitting question that left everyone speechless and giggling. Sometimes, it's best to just roll with the unexpected and embrace the comedic chaos! 😂👶 #OfficeAntics"

asked, baby, coworker, hold, humor, i, me, new, prepared, question, saying, today, unexpected, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

24 shares on Discord this month:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,705

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

They’re uploading my consciousness into a disposable vape.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Spotted on Twitch:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Making waves on Messenger:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Just landed via Reddit:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Live now on Instagram:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Live now on Threads:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

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