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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,566

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Making waves on YouTube:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Breaking via Telegram:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Making waves on Slack:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Trending via TikTok:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Just landed via TikTok:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Going viral on Reddit:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about aging and comfort, highlighting the struggle with staying in a beanbag.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll be needing a crane to rescue me from my cozy beanbag mission! 😂🪂📞

age, aging, beanbag, beanbag chair, chair, comfort, getting, getting up, humor, i, learned, old, sit, sitting, things, too, yesterday

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83 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

14 shares on Instagram this month:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

56 shares on Slack this month:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Just shared via Messenger:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Spreading quickly via X:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Spotted on Slack:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Making waves on Threads:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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