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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has viewed:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has shared:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has downloaded:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has copied:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has copied:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has shared:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

761 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,923

Funny Quotes Topics

13,892

Funny Quotes Images

10,923

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Twitch:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Just landed via YouTube:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Just landed via Telegram:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Reported on Messenger:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, β€œIt’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, β€œIt’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.
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Commentary:
"Nothing like a good old mysterious exit to keep the neighborhood on edge! πŸ‘€πŸš” #Whodunnit πŸ•΅οΈβ€β™‚οΈπŸ”"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

761 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,923

Funny Quotes Topics

13,892

Funny Quotes Images

10,923

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month πŸš€

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has viewed:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has downloaded:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has shared:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has copied:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡· has viewed:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Messenger:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Spotted on Instagram:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Seen just now on TikTok:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Just shared via Facebook:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself β€œdid I just run a red light?”

Breaking via Facebook:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Shared recently on YouTube:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Making waves on WeChat:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Making waves on YouTube:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a β€œturn off”

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