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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Live now on TikTok:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Going viral on Reddit:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Trending via Instagram:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Just landed via Reddit:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about casually commenting on ongoing chaos at a crime scene.

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Commentary:
"Nothing like a good old mysterious exit to keep the neighborhood on edge! 👀🚔 #Whodunnit 🕵️‍♂️🔍"

again, crime, crime scene, crowd, dark, dark humor, exit, humor, interaction, irony, leaving, mystery, scene, social, social interaction, unexpected, walking, whisper

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Instagram this month:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

71 shares on Slack this month:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

32 shares on Slack this month:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

58 shares on Discord this month:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Just landed via Telegram:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨