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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Just landed via Discord:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Just shared via Messenger:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Making waves on Slack:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Trending via Discord:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Spotted on WeChat:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

2 days ago

Humorous quote about craving and longing, with witty words questioning how to end desire.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if only a sprinkle of self-control was as potent as a dash of salt 🧂 to stop these cravings! Maybe we can find solace in a bottomless pit of chocolate 🍫 or escape to an alternate reality where all wishes are granted by a magical pizza 🍕! Alas, the struggle of desire persists, leaving us searching for that elusive elixir of satisfaction! 🤔✨

abuse, addiction, coping, desire, humor, i, longing, stop, substance, yearning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

15 shares on Threads this month:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

14 shares on X this month:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

63 shares on Slack this month:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

75 shares on Slack this month:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Life begins when you can afford it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Just landed via Discord:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Just landed via Discord:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Broadcasted on X:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Breaking via Reddit:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Breaking via Messenger:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

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