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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

19 minutes ago

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Trending via TikTok:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Just landed via Discord:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Spotted on Instagram:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Shared recently on Slack:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Live now on Twitch:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

5 months ago

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if only a sprinkle of self-control was as potent as a dash of salt 🧂 to stop these cravings! Maybe we can find solace in a bottomless pit of chocolate 🍫 or escape to an alternate reality where all wishes are granted by a magical pizza 🍕! Alas, the struggle of desire persists, leaving us searching for that elusive elixir of satisfaction! 🤔✨

abuse, addiction, coping, desire, humor, i, longing, stop, substance, yearning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

19 minutes ago

3,425

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Shared recently on Discord:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Just landed via YouTube:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Going viral on Discord:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Happy new fear!

Just landed via TikTok:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Trending via Snapchat:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

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