Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,464

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Seen just now on Reddit:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Going viral on Instagram:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Making waves on YouTube:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Trending via Messenger:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When I retire, my biggest campaign promise is to never set an alarm clock again! 🕰️😴 #VoteForSleep"

ambition, career, election, going, humor, i, joke, office, politics, retire, retirement, run

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

0

2 months ago

autocorrect, communication, frustration, getting, humor, i, shirt, technology, tired, trying
My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

0

2 months ago

canine, dog, folium, folium lanceolatum, humor, joke, just, lanceolatum, leaf, nature, pets, tracking
I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, dog, dogs, dropped, dropped food, food, humor, i, joke, people, pet, pick, responsibility
A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

0

2 months ago

haunted, haunted house, head, house, humor, inside, introspection, just, loneliness, mental, mental state, mind, own, self, spooky, state
According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

0

2 months ago

30, communication, distraction, humor, middle, new, people, sentence, study, trail, trail off
I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

0

2 months ago

activity, exercise, fun, game, humor, i, mat, same, thing, Twister, yoga

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

42 shares on Threads this month:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

71 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

39 shares on X this month:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Spotted on Telegram:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Trending via Snapchat:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Just shared via WhatsApp:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Live now on WeChat:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨