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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,013

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Going viral on Threads:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Live now on YouTube:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Going viral on Slack:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

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When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.
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Commentary:
Finally, a gym membership for my brain! Can't wait to skip leg day and just focus on Sudoku squats 🤯🧠🧩💪

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

42 shares on Telegram this month:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

50 shares on Threads this month:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

16 shares on Telegram this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,078

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Breaking via Reddit:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Live now on Facebook:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Going viral on Reddit:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

Just shared via Twitch:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Going viral on Telegram:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Spotted on WeChat:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

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