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"Ah, nothing says 'romance' quite like plotting together for a staged mishap! 💔😂 Who knew mischief could be so enticing? #LoveAtFirstConspiracy"

accident, crime, date, humor, joke, me, playful, relationship, romance, trust, well

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My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

3 months ago
bad, breakup, ex, girlfriend, humor, i, idiot, idiots, jealousy, life, love, love life, new, new relationship, relationship, sarcasm, smiling, somewhere, telling, thinking
My back and I are definitely not the same age.

1 month ago
age, back, body, getting, getting older, humor, i, older, perspective, same, self-deprecation
If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

1 month ago
categorization, humor, i, ID, identity, miscellaneous, quirky, self-deprecating
I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

2 months ago
communication, conversation, humor, language, me, nonsense, people, sarcasm, say, sense, shit, start, telling
I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

1 month ago
accomplishment, coffee, couch, done, everything, humor, i, planned, planning, relaxation, Sunday, weekend
I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

1 month ago
budgeting, days, done, finance, get by, humor, i, management, math, money, month, time, time management

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Just shared via Slack:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Going viral on Reddit:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Just landed via Discord:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Breaking via Instagram:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

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You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

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You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

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