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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Going bananas on Threads:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Spotted on Instagram:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Shared recently on Slack:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Spotted on YouTube:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Trending via Reddit:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I've seen y'all clap for pineapple on pizza, so your boos just add to the symphony of chaos! 🍍🍕🎭

anything, attitude, cheer, cheering, confidence, humor, insult, me, mean, mockery, people, rivalry, sarcasm, seen, sports

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

0

2 months ago

annoying, connection, humor, i, life, meet, meeting, need, new, new people, order, past, past life, people, socializing
First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

0

2 months ago

bed, bring, coffee, cozy, date, date idea, first date, idea, me, morning, romantic, snuggle
I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

0

2 months ago

bigger, bigger problems, comparison, creativity, honesty, humor, i, new, problems, quaint, sarcasm, solutions, solve
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

0

3 months ago

animal, anxiety, avoid, away, contact, eye, eye contact, greeting, hello, hope, humor, i, instinct, introvert, person, say, social, social anxiety
People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

0

2 months ago

double, double life, even, here, holding, humor, life, life management, living, management, people, relatability, single, single life, struggle, together
My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

0

2 months ago

comedy, doing, dry, humor, joke, PowerPoint, presentation, skin

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Slack this month:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

94 shares on YouTube this month:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

61 shares on Discord this month:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Just landed via WeChat:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Seen just now on Instagram:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨