You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

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My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

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I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

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The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

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You can’t spell disappointment without me.

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If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.