Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I had too much to think last night.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Going viral on Telegram:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Spotted on Slack:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Making waves on YouTube:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Spotted on Telegram:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Just landed via Reddit:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Worrying: the ultimate guarantee plan that's 90% effective! 😅🧠💭

90, happen, i, never, things, works, worry, worrying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

0

2 months ago

biting, decades, eating, even, example, experience, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, mistake, perfect, screw, screw up, still, tongue, tongue biting, while
Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

0

2 months ago

clean, cleaning, drama, evidence, feels, humor, i, room, sometimes
Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, baseline, explain, explanation, humor, language, misunderstanding, practicing, pronunciation, same, sound, Vaseline
I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

0

2 months ago

acting, coworkers, deserve, everything, fake, fine, humor, i, office, Oscar, pretending, sarcasm, stress, think, work, workplace
Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

0

2 weeks ago

attraction, fanfic, fun, humor, i, reading, real, romance, romantic, thinking, wish, wishful, wishful thinking
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, even, food, humor, i, image, life, own, pants, priorities, relationship, sex

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

48 shares on Discord this month:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re so productive for your wage.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Just shared via X:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Just landed via TikTok:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Breaking via Reddit:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Trending via Pinterest:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Shared recently on WeChat:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨