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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Just shared via Threads:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Just landed via Twitch:

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

Trending via Pinterest:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Going viral on Messenger:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Freshly posted on Slack:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because who needs a leaning tower of beef when you can have a glorious beefy pancake instead? 🍔🥞 #BringOnTheWideBurgers"

big, burger, fast, fast food, food, height, humor, opinion, restaurant, saying, should, taller, width

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

0

2 months ago

age, hiring, hitman, men, regret
Not going is the new leaving early.

0

2 months ago

early, event, going, humor, leaving, new, not going, procrastination, social
Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

0

2 months ago

30s, 40s, age, aging, car, check, check engine light, decade, engine, enjoy, health, humor, joke, life, life joke, light, midlife
Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, better, clock, daily, daily struggle, every, feel, humor, i, inheritance, job, just, life, me, morning, morning routine, much, office, office job, procrastination, routine, struggle, work, work life
I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

0

2 months ago

awareness, being, built, everything, going, human, human being, humor, i, information, information overload, know, limits, overload, think, time, world
Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

0

2 months ago

40s, 50, aging, expectation, humor, life, people, saying, ten, wait, welcome, year’s

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Threads this month:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

38 shares on X this month:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

88 shares on Discord this month:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Making waves on Threads:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Just shared via YouTube:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Going viral on WeChat:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Breaking via Instagram:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Not going is the new leaving early.

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨